Servant of Christ....

2006-07-29T18:44:00.000-07:00

2006-07-29T14:11:00.000-07:00

2006-07-29T14:00:00.000-07:00

2006-07-19T19:41:00.000-07:00

2006-07-19T19:28:00.000-07:00

2006-07-19T19:06:00.000-07:00

2006-07-19T18:58:00.000-07:00

2006-07-19T18:47:00.000-07:00

2006-07-19T18:45:00.000-07:00

" border="0" alt="" />

body { background-image: url(http://www.mbif.net/backgrounds/aurora.jpg); background-attachment: fixed}"> body { background-image: url(http://www.mbif.net/backgrounds/aurora.jpg); background-attachment: fixed}" border="0" alt="" />

2006-07-19T18:36:00.000-07:00

2006-07-19T18:32:00.000-07:00

Single for Now

2006-06-21T18:00:00.000-07:00

God has called me to be single right now. (Well obviously right? Considering I'm not married. hehe. Can you believe it took me so long to figure it out? lol. Sheesh!) I still hope to get married someday, but that desire is something I've given completely to God. If he wants me to live my life beside someone, then I will, in HIS timing. Or I may just be called to be single forever. Only God knows.....Let's see where was I going with this?.....hmmmm.....Oh yeah! I remember......um.....back up on second.......well......okay first off, let me say that statistically speaking, the number of us who will get married far out weighs those of us who won't. So we should all be preparing for marriage. But also keep in mind, that biblical masculinity and biblical femininity are defined...not based on having another person in our lives. Ladies, we are called to be a "Proverbs 31 Woman" in or out of marriage. Guys, you should pray that God would grant you the characteristics of 1 Timothy 3:1-7 (which is funny because the text assumes that he will have a wife and kids...just something I noticed). We should all pray that God be the number one desire of our heart. Is it bad to want to be married, and to prepare for marriage? Not at all. In fact, I'd say that it is wise, and glorifying to God...to desire this thing that God made as a way of pointing to a grander relationship...Christ and the Church. BUT...we must be careful, lest we make marriage an idol. Marriage is not God. When we are married, our spouses will not be God. No one, and nothing on this earth can satisfy us...so fill us with awe and wonder, joy and peace, fear and love...as only God can. So in singleness...my prayer is that all of us would press on to know God. That is why we were created...to know Him! Even marriage is a way of knowing Him better...and if you're called to be single...then singleness is your way of knowing God better because you must be satisfied in Him...despite possibly not being granted something that you wanted...and we must still say with Job, "The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord!" And He promises to be our portion of Grace. He will be our comfort...possibly in a way that married people will never understand. One thing that I believe with all my heart...is that when we pray for something...and God says, "No" ... it's always to say a grander "Yes" to something else. So let our faith be anchored in the knowledge that God has what is best for us in store. He truly does love us, and is able to do "exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think." And also realize that this life is temporal and look on to see that someday we'll have eternity with Him in all His glory. That, my friends, is what I look forward to more than anything; inlcuding marriage. And I pray the same for your hearts.

_________________

Just some thoughts I've been thinking recently. God continues to stretch me, either by giving or taking away. But ultimatly it's for my good right? So why worry? (I know, easier said then done, but right now I'm feeling quite a peace, so I just thought I'd share my little words of wisdom.
Talk to you all again soon! Love and miss you all!

In Christ,
Leah

2006-03-18T21:06:00.000-08:00

Wow! It's been a long time since I've updated this thing. I know you all probably think that I fell off the face of the earth. Sorry about that. I'm still here though. Things just got really busy there for awhile. Midterms were two weeks ago, and I got an A on all my midterms except one. Music Theory I got a B, but my goal is to have an A in that class by the end of the semester. If I work hard enough I should be able to do it!

Also, I've been really busy cheering my team on during the NAIA tournament. It was soooooo much fun! Our guys team won the championship last night, and our girls team made it to second place! Can you believe it! My first real team to cheer for and both the guys and girls team made it all the way to finals! I was so excited. I completely lost my voice last night though. Thankfully I found it by this morning, but my friends had fun making fun of me last night. And I couldn't do anything about it. lol. They would say stuff like: "It sure is quiet tonight? Leah.....why is it so quiet tonight?" Or they'd go up to someone who didn't have a lot to say, and then they'd comment, "Yeah, that's about what Leah has to say too." Or, they'd say, "What Leah? Can't hear you. Will you speak up please?" lol. It was fun. It's a good thing I like being teased. I grew up with two brothers and a father who all have an onry (sp?) streak, so I should be used to it by now. hehe.

Let's see, what else has been going on? Well, classes are still good, and I'm still keeping up with all of them. Though, I have offically decided that I'm not meant to be a musician. Music Theory has really challenged me, and my own advisor has told me my skills on the piano are lacking. He said if I really wanted to major in music, I'd have to work really really hard to reach certain requirements by next semester. So I've been thinking about it and praying, and decided next sememster I'd just get general ed stuff out of the way next semester. I'm thinking about changing my major to Phylosophy and Religion, or changing it back to English like it was before......but will see. Please pray that God will give me clear direction. Though I really don't have to decide on anything until my Junior year. lol. So I got a year to just experiment with things. lol.

Well, I got to head to class. I'll be updating again soon with things I've been learning my my Bible reading. I'm sooooo excited! Yay! Talk to you all again soon! Love and hugs, Mom and Dad, Zach, and Della! I can't wait to see you all in April!

By His Grace Alone,
Leah

2006-02-21T20:02:00.000-08:00

Sorry I had to back up a few days......

Monday, January 02, 2006

Hey Guys!
Today was my first day on campus, and I have to say it was amazing. God is so good to me, I can't even begin to describe the things the Lord has done for me today. I still feel kinda out of place and stuff, but things are starting to look up. I'm sorry that I won't be on much this coming week. They have my first week packed full of stuff. But I'll still be emailing and stuff, so I expect to hear from you guys.
I'll let you know what's been happening soon, but I have to get up early tomorrow so I'm gonna go. Miss you all really really a lot!
In Christ,
Leah

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Hey!

Sorry it's taken me so long to update. It feels like it's been an eternity.
So what have I been up to? Lots. It will probably take me several posts to get you all up to date, and by then more will have happened and then I'll have many more to write! lol. I should probably start at the beginning.

I arrived on campus last Sunday, and got settled in pretty fast. My brother and I walked around campus a little bit, and he introduced me to a lot of his friends. That was fun, though really overwhelming, and I'm no good at remembering names. hehe. "Oh Hi Megan....oh Lindsey? Oops! I'm sorry that was my next guess...." lol. That about sums up my first day on campus in a nut shell. Though we did watch movies in my dorm lounge till about one in the morning.
Next day I was pretty bored. Character Camp (that's what they call my student week long orientation.) didn't start until six that night, so I didn't have anything to do till then. I ended up going to Wal-mart with my brother and a few of his friends. We spent forever there! But I got a new phone! So I was happy! Yay!!!! Then orientation started, and I met my "Character Camp Family."(They seperated all the freshman into groups of 14 students and called them a family. Throughout the week I've had to work with them, and I have many new friends. They are awesome people! I love my family. hehe). We just played a lot of getting to know you games that night, and then we went to bed.

I'm running out of time so I'm gonna have to type fast. I can't go through the whole week so I'll just hit the highlights......

On Thursday we had Olympics!!!!! That was soooooo much fun. We competed with the other familys in relay races, hot dog eating contests, obstical courses, ribbon dancing, and all kinds of other things like that. It was great! My family came in second overall in the Olympics. And Dustin, Jonathan and I won the Ribbon Dancing part. We came in first place. It was great! Everytime my family placed, it was always first. We never came in second or third until the end in our overall score. Remind me to tell you more about that k?

I have to head out. Don't worry more to come, I promise. Miss you all and I'll talk to you later! Remember guys that I'm still emailing k? I would love to hear from any of you!

Always in Christ,
Leah

Monday, January 09, 2006

Have you ever been so touched by something that you start crying? I have. It's a wonderful feeling actually. To be so touched that you're whole body either aches with, or rejoiced with, whatever touched you. It goes so much deeper then just understanding, and makes me actually want to act.
I was looking at some programs this college has on compus, and several of the off campus ministries involve little children. Orphans, abused, abandoned.....you name it. It's so sad to see what some kids have to go through and makes me wonder why I was so blessed growing up. I have a wonderful family, and I grew up loved and charished, not just by my family, but by friends. I have a wonderful church family that has always been there for me, and just thinking about that makes me cry. Don't worry. I'm fine. I have always had a soft spot for little kids, and seeing what some have to go through at such young ages......lets just say I wept.
One of the sites I looked at showed picture of some of the orphans. Most are underfed, and they stare at you with sad eyes. "Is there room in your home?" Is written right underneath these pictures. It's so sad! I want to give a child a good home. I want to hold one until their shivers and fears go away. I want to tell them that not everyone in the world is cruel and that some people do love them. But most of all I want to show them Christ's love. One of these days maybe when I graduate and get married, I'm going to adopt a child. I suppose this probably has to be okay with my future husband too, but I would really like to take an unwanted child into my own home. Lord willing I will do that. Until then I hope to get involved with some of the off campus ministries here and help out as best I can. "For whatsoever you do to the lest of these, you do to me....." May God be glorified, and may he grant me the wisdom and the strength to shine and do whatever task he sets before. And may God bless the little children, and keep them safe.
Just had to get that off my chest. Please pray for me. My classes started today and I am really really sick. I feel a little overwhelmed, and my throat feels like it was run over by a semi truck. I have a slite fever, and a pounding headache. So please pray that I'll feel better in the morning. Much appriciated. Love you all!
Living for Christ,
Leah

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Hey Everyone!!!!
Okay, so Mom and Dad, I couldn't get my winning essay to attach to my e-mail, so I decided just to post it on here. This might be a little touchy for Mom though. Just so you know Mom, you might cry. I love you though! So much and miss you all.
For everyone else, this is the essay I wrote my first week on campus, and it won second place out of 150. So I was sooooo exicted!!!!
Man Shall Not Live by Bread Alone

“My people are destroyed from lack of knowledge. Because you have rejected knowledge, I also reject you as my priests; because you have ignored the law of your God, I also will ignore your children” Hosea 4:6. This verse holds great significance in my life. I watched a loved one literally destroy herself because she did not continually go to the word of God, and strengthen her knowledge of God and His ways. There are times, I believe, in everyone’s life when you feel like you know all you need to know about God, and you think you will do just fine. Jesus made it perfectly clear to Satan in Luke chapter 4, that “man does not live by bread alone.”

My Grandmother, Ellen Owsley, was a wonderful women. She was loved and well thought of by many people, but especially her family. I loved her too. I looked up to her, and going to Grandma’s house was always a major highlight for me. She was always waiting with a big hug at the door, and was quick to listen and offer advice if the occasion called for it. I never thought the day would come when the closeness I shared with her would be torn in two.

Ellen grew up a Christian Scientist, and she was so devoted to that faith it eventually took her life. Christian Scientists believe that the life that they live is a dream. When God put Adam to sleep in the Garden of Eden to shape Eve he never really woke up. Everything that happens to you and to me is just a dream. I guess you could say they do not believe in reality. Everything is all in your mind, and you make the world whatever you want it to be. So things like illness or hurt and danger are signs of “lack of faith.” If you got sick it was because you are doubting too much in a loving God who would never allow one of his children to suffer. Sickness meant you had repenting to do.

I went to work with my Grandma when I was fourteen. I loved her, and even though her faith was twisted and wrong, I helped her recover many of her Christian Scientists magazines so she could hand them out and share them with others. I’d come to work and together we would design a new cover for the magazine on a computer.

“Oh no, I think you spelled that word wrong.” Grandma would say.

“Oops, sorry.” I would fix my error and then skip to the images.

“Do you like the blue with the pink words, or should we do something more subtle? And how to you like the dolphin in the background? I thought it tied in quite well with the article on page seven….” Off we would go, designing, printing, and binding for several days out of the week until we had the perfect magazine. We gloated and laughed and showed off our prized handiwork to Grandpa who would praise us to the skies. Then off we would go again, making a newer and better design then the one before. The times my Grandmother and I shared then were full of laughter and happiness.

I stopped working with Grandma when I turned fifteen and that same year she was diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure. Her beliefs kept her from going to see a doctor or to get any medical help. She started praying and reading her Bible more and more often. She said she was “trying to get her faith back into the right place again, and then she would be well.” I remember my mother and several other family members begging her to seek help; someone to make her feel less pain and maybe even prolong her life.

“No. To go to a doctor would be to acknowledge that something is wrong with me, and there is nothing wrong with me. There is something wrong with my faith and that is all. I’m not trusting enough.” She had said.

So the family was forced to watch. I cried and prayed so hard that God would open my Grandmother’s eyes to the truth. I knew that death was inevitable, but with a doctor’s help my Grandmother could die in far less pain. I prayed for a miracle. I prayed for delivery, but most of all I prayed for her salvation.

“God, please draw my Grandmother to you and open her eyes to see the truth. Help her to see the error of her ways. I beg you Lord. Save, if not her life, her soul.”

I prayed this prayer till the end. Hoping that if she didn’t at least get comfort from the pain of her body shutting down, that she would at least have the comfort of honestly knowing Christ as her savior.

On December 21, 2003 the phone rang at our house at 1:00 a.m. I remember vividly waking up to hear it, and holding my breath. Hoping and praying that it wasn’t what everyone had been dreading for several long month of watching Ellen Owsley fade away. It was. My Dad answered the phone, and there was a long silence. Then you could hear my mother begin to weep. She cried and cried, and I sat in my bed and tried to deny it. Tried to tell myself that there was no way Grandma could be dead. Sometime the truth does hurt, and as I listened to my mother cry, I began to cry. For three hours I stayed in my room and wept. When I was finished the house was really quiet, but there was a lamp on in the living room. I could see the light streaming in from under my bedroom door. I went out of my room and found my Dad sitting on the couch. My mother had long since left the house. She had been picked up by one of her sisters to go help comfort my Grandpa.

“Dad?” I asked. “What’s going on?”

My Dad motioned for me to go sit by him, and I was crying again before I sat down.

“Your Grandmother is gone.” He whispered and he held me really tight while I cried some more.

“Daddy, please tell me she knew Jesus. Please.”

“I don’t know sweetie.” He had said. “Only God knows.”

My Grandmother’s passing away was the first death I had to deal with in my life, and it hurt tremendously. I asked a lot of questions about life and religion, and how we know who to believe, and what to believe. Was my Grandmother’s life in vain? Did her faith have no standing whatsoever? How do I know that I am not believing a lie? What if Grandma’s religion is the right religion? I struggled with this question, but was comforted by the words of the Apostle Paul: “By this gospel you are saved, if you hold firmly to the word I preached to you. Otherwise, you have believed in vain” 1 Corinthians 15:2. My Grandma’s religion was wrong, because it was not consistent with the word of God.

I admire Pastors that tell me to check what they say with the word of God, for that is exactly what I do now. There are so many false teachers out there, and we are told to be wary of them. As soon as you take someone else’s word over what the Bible teaches you will loose. The word of our God stands forever, not the words of Mary Baker (the founder of Christian Science).

“My people are destroyed by their lack of knowledge….” Hosea 4:6a. I watched this happen. My Grandma’s stubbornness made her blind to the truth, and it literally destroyed her. But her death has taught me a lot. I still love her and miss her dearly, but I’ve learned the value of God’s word. I fully believe and take comfort in knowing that God’s word is the bread of life and Jesus himself said, “Man shall not live by bread alone.”

Take care everyone! God Bless!
Love and prayers,
Leah
Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Hello!
I know! I've finally updated! Life has been so busy recently, and I know I'll never get you guys up to date at this point. Even if I had time to write a post every day.
I'm completely convinced that there is something wrong with my Mondays. It's actually pretty amousing when you think about it. I was laughing so hard about it yesterday. For the last two Mondays I've gotten sick. The first Monday here it was a cold, then last Monday (not yesterday) I got a mild case of the stomach flue that didn't last very long. Praise God for that. But then yesterday my class got out late so I was running a little late for work and I still had to run back to my room to get something. Well, I ran into my brother Kenny and Emily on the way and told them I was late, and Emily said I was gonna have to run to get to work on time. So I did. lol. I ran and ended up with a sprained ankle. I twisted it pretty well too. This morning it's a beautiful blue and purple color and it still hurts to walk on. I have it wrapped up in an ankle brace though. (So don't worry too much Mom and Dad.) Everyone here is so nice about it though. I ran into one of my roommates friends while I was walking to my Math class yesterday afternoon and he said, "Leah, if you're limping that much you should go get it looked at in the campus hospital. They'll at least wrap it up for you..." I told him I'd probably go there after class and he said "If you go to your instructor and tell him what happened, he'll let you go. Tell you what, I'll go get my car and I'll pick you up from your class and take you over there...." Like I said, he's a really really nice guy. And I would have taken him up on that offer, but I really didn't want to miss math class. Math has never been my best subject, and I didn't want to miss it. (Though Mom and Dad you'll be happy to know that so far I'm carrying a high A in that class. I got a 95% on my first Test!!! YAY!!) Anyway, so I told Ben that, and he said okay he'll try not to worry. Awwwwww! lol. I then told him that my ankle was quite a ways away from my heart, and that I didn't think this twisted ankle would kill me. He laughed at that, and said something like, "Most other girls would be milking a hurt ankle for all it's worth." Then he told me to take care and I went to class. And I think I managed to impress my Managers at work too. I can in limping, and they were saying asking if I could work. I told them of course I could work. It's just a twisted ankle, I just need to walk it off. Well, my ankle didn't get any better, but they continued to quote me on that. They'd say "This is Leah, she has a bad ankle, but she just needs to walk it off" and then they'd laugh and tell me how tough I was and how I surprised them by that cause I'm so small. hehe. I always said thinks aren't always what they appear. I offer up exibit A: myself, as an example. hehe.
I went to Church on Sunday, and it felt wonderful! I had missed it last Sunday cause I have to work every other weekend, so I really needed that Spiritual lift. And it was wonderful! I love our Pastor. He's excellent, and I'm pretty sure my Dad would have liked his sermon on Sunday. He answered the question: Is abortion wrong Biblically? And he did that soooo well. I was very impressed. The thing he did at the end though was the best part. He walked out into the audience and took one of the little babies and brought him (Tyler was his name) back up to the front. And there he said, "We want to encourage women and keep them from killing someone that's growing inside them. Someone like Tyler....." and there he lifte Tyler up and you could have heard a pin drop to the floor it was so quiet. I was almost in tears. So Dad, I think you would have really liked his sermon.
Well, I got to jet. I have class at 10. Love and prayers sent to all of you!
By His Grace Alone,
Leah

Friday, January 27, 2006

Hey!!! Two posts in one week! I'm on a role! Hehe. Now that I know my shedule really well, and kinda have a feel for the homework load, I'm finding more free time. Isn't it exciting. Actually though, I got out a class early today cause it was a test day. I'm so glad that test is over. We had a Sight Singing Test in Music Theory, and that's hard. But don't worry, I got a perfect score! lol. For those of you that I've told that Theory is a hard class, let me just say that it still is a hard class, but I'm getting the hang of it now. At least right now I am. What's really nice is my class is really small, and there are four girls, myself included, and five guys. They are all really awesome people, and everyone knows everyone and helps eachother out because it's so small. It's great! Kinda like a family. And we'll get to stay together too, because we'll be taking Theory 2 and 3 still. That's nice to know I think.....
So my ankled turned out to be a worse sprain then I thought. I was hobbling around on crutches on Tuesday, but they gave me blisters underneath my arms, and quite frankly caused more pain then just walking around on my ankle. So yesterday, I was rebellious and didn't use them. I got yelled at for it by several of my Character Camp brothers and sisters. They were like "Leah! What are you thinking! Pretty sure you need to stay off that foot so it can heal...." I have a brace on it though, and I was able to support all my weight on it yesterday, so I told them it was fine. And today I can walk almost without a limp, so it's healing. I don't need those silly crutches. They made me late for things. And honestly, they were more painful to use then walking on my ankle.
Well, I got to head out. I was gonna post about the scripture I read last night, but I have to be to work in 15 min, so I probably better start walking in that direction. Thanks everyone for the prayers. Love you all! *hugs*
By His Grace Alone,
Leah

Friday, February 10, 2006

I have found God's will for me right now, and it was so obvious I almost missed it. It's funny how when you're seeking God's will in your life, you complicate it by looking for answers to questions like, "This person or that person.?..." "Right turn or left turn.?..." " This college or that college?....." Then we get frustrated when we don't get an answer. The thing is, God's will for each and every one of is pretty much the same thing. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that we are all suppose to grow up to be astronauts, or forensic scientists, what I am saying is there is a difference between God's will and God's plan. I am talking about God's will, and his will is for us, all of us, to seek Him. Think about it. We worry too much about making wrong decisions, or whether of not we are suppose to make a move on something......but God has already told us what we are to do, day in, and day out. Every day for the rest of our lives. Too often I think was get overwhelmed by the big picture that the answers we seek, are often, right under our noses. They are in God's revealed will: His word. God's word is there for correcting, training, and rebuking in righteousness. It's a guide. We know we aren't suppose to lie, steal, hate, murder. We know we aren't suppose to lust over things we can't have. At the same time, we know we are suppose to practice love (which is also the fruits of the Spirit.) We know we are to put on the armor of God to ready ourselves for Satan's next attack. And we know we are to strive to be salt and light, seeking always to further God's kingdom. But more then anything else we are suppose to obey Jesus Christ. "If you love me, you will keep my commandments...." This is not a request, it's a command. " If you love me, you WILL keep my commandments."

"Seek ye first the kingdom of Heaven, and His righteousness. And all these things shall be added unto you."
~Matthew 6:33~

"Delight yourselves in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart."
~Psalm 37:4~

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him. and he will make your paths strait."
~Proverbs 3:5-6~

What do all these verses have in common? They tell us to first seek God. "Don't worry, seek me, and I'll take care of the rest" So God's will is easy. Seek him. That's what he tells us to do. But I'll admit, sometimes things do get a lot more complicated then that. Yes we know what to do, we know what the Bible says......but what am I suppose to do about so in so?......you know, I believe that the process of seeking God's will in a present situation, is more important then finding the answer. Seeking means we spend time with God in prayer and Bible study, we spend intimate time with family and friends in search of answers, and we spend a lot of time examining ourselves. What does the Bible say? What do my friends and family think? It's the process of seeking that helps us grow. And eventually, when we do make a decision, we have to step out in faith that it's the right one.

"Seek ye first the Kingdom of Heaven, and His righteousness. And all these things shall be added unto you." It might be worth noting that this verse is right out of the passage that says not to worry. Jesus is telling us that this is God's will. Let him take care of the big picture, just seek Him......You know, sometimes I wonder if God allows us to go throw certain things for the soul purpose of making us seek him more fervently then we had been. I know that the only time I really honestly seek my Father in Heaven, is when something comes up and I don't know what to do. It kind of ties into everything working out for His glory and my good. If trails force us to turn to God, and we seek Him, then we grow spiritually and it brings glory and honor to His name. If that's the case, then I can see why Paul said he can delight in His suffering......so keep it coming Lord! These lines on the road Father. Make me responsible, be it light or heavy load......keep me guessing at these blessings in disguise......I'll walk with grace my feet and faith my eyes! ( That's a song, I think.)

For me to live is Christ,

Leah......or LeeLee

2005-10-11T16:30:00.000-07:00

2005-10-11T15:38:00.000-07:00

This is the Chapel right on Campus! Isn't it gorgious????

Fountain in the Middle of Campus. This lake is called......ummm.......
Never mind I forgot what it's called. LOL

This is why they call it Point Lookout Mo.....This is a
view from the edge of the college Campus.

Another view from Point Lookout.....

2005-09-23T15:37:00.000-07:00

Me and my friend Shannon, with her parents.

This is the little plan we flew on. It took us up

over Anchorage, and over some surrounding mtn.

This is the Pacific Ocean! (It looks a lot like the Altlantic. = )

This is a Jellyfish! I thought it was

really cool looking, but don't touch them

they sting! (I found out the hard way! lol)

Okay, maybe it's just me, but I have a fascination

for rivers, and waterfalls. Probably because I live in

Wyoming where it is dry and hot. The wild west!

I liked this picture because it reminds me of the

beauty God created!

Itsn't this ugly! It's a Banana Slug that we saw while we were camping on

Vancouver Island on our way up to Alaska. I put the pen there so you would

know how big it was. It was funny cause when Shannon

and I saw this, we were only wearing flip-flops on our feet. And this was only

one of several. We had to be very careful where we stepped. (*SPLAT! OOPS) lol = )

This is my friend Shannon being silly in the car! Sigh! Good times!

Me being really silly in the car! (Don't look for too long! I am

tempted to take this one off! lol)

At least I look semi descent in this one. = )

See I was really there! I am not lying! lol. = )

Prayer

2005-09-15T15:45:00.000-07:00

I don't know how many of you have seen Phantom of the Opera, but today I really feel like the Phantom. Not lustful, or mean, but lonely. I recently just wrote a entry on letting go, but I still struggle with doing that. I don't want to let go.....the thing is, I never want to let go, even when the person lets go of me.....Joe, you made some points that maybe we aren't suppose to let go. You said there is a purpose for my will of iron, and because I desire it so much, God is telling me not to let go yet....But I feel like the only purpose for my will of iron right now, is to cause me more pain and suffering. What can I do when it seems hopeless? Am I still suppose to hold on, when God has made it perfectly clear that that person is no longer a part of my life? What am I suppose to do then? I am scared to hope anymore. I know that sounds really sad, but right now it's how I feel. I don't want to hope and hold on to things, if it's just going to hurt later. Frankly, I am tried of hurting. Tired of hoping that this person is gonna be different.

You know, I got a little card one year that said Leah means "From the Meadow." I always liked that. Made me sound like a little flower or something.....but then I saw another definition that said Leah means "weary and burdened....." This reminded me off Leah in the Bible, Rachel's sister, and Jacob's first wife. The Bible says she wasn't beautiful, but I have always liked her. She was blessed, even though she lived a hard life. Through her line of offspring came Christ. But I can just imagine how she must have felt. She lived with her sister, knowing that her husband loved Rachel and used her.....I can imagine there were times she was very weary and burdened. Weary of feeling unloved, and burdened because of the load she bore being the least favorite in her own house......My dad told me that he always took pitty on the Leah in the Bible. So much pity that he decided to name me Leah, and he was going to make sure I was loved....And I was and am. I have a wonderful family, but more then that I serve a wonderful God. One who says I am worth his sons death on the cross....I am so blessed. I cannot deny this, even if I wanted to......but I feel lonely? Why? Paul says that everything he had, he counts as loss, so that he can gain Christ. So why can't I say that? Why can't I say, "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord!" I think it's because I am scared, and right now my fear is stronger then my faith.

I remember laughing the first time I heard that Leah means "weary and burdened." I looked my friend Shannon in the eye, and said, "It doesn't fit me very well does it?" Anymore though, I am being to think that it does. I am weary of hoping, wishing, praying, when the only thing I get when I do that is shattered hopes, empty dreams, and unanswered prayers........For some reason I can't get to the point where I can say, "Yes God, your grace is suffient for me....."

I covet your prayers today. Thanks.

Love Always,
Leah

2005-09-13T15:28:00.000-07:00

Artist: Mark SchultzAlbum: Stories & Songs
I call,
You hear me
I’ve lost it all
And it’s more than I can bear

I feel so empty
You’re strong
I’m weary
I’m holdin’ on
But I feel like givin’ in
But still You’re with me

Chorus:And even though I’m walkin’ through
The valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
Whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone
And I’ve been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will
Ever need
And He will carry me

I know I’m broken
But You alone
Can mend this heart of mine
You’re always with me

(Chorus)
And even though I feel so lonely
Like I’ve never been before
You never said it would be easy
But You said you’d see me through
The storm(

Chorus)

Amen!!!! Need I say more?

Love in Christ,

Leah

2005-09-11T14:05:00.000-07:00

Frodo: I can't do this Sam.

Sam: I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.

Frodo: What are we holding on to Sam?

Sam: That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo... and it's worth fighting for.

If you've been feeling like me lately ...tired of fighting....you will find this encouraging ...

By His Grace Alone,
Leah

Letting Go

2005-09-08T19:18:00.000-07:00

Why is it so hard to let go?

Why are we so stubborn, and hold on to things? Why can't we learn to let go of things that God hasn't given to us yet? Can you imagine all the pain and suffering we could avoid if we just handed all that stuff over to God and said, "Lord, it's hurts to do this, but I trust you with this person." or "Lord, I don't know what's going to happen if I do this, I don't know if your going to completely take this thing that I care about out of my life, or if your going to restore them to me later. Or if your going to replace them with someone else.....but I do know that you are God, and that you had a purpose for this person coming into my life. Even if that purpose was only to teach me to let go." Do you see what I mean? This is what I struggle with. This is when my will of iron clashes with God. But who do I hurt? Myself. I bring all my pain and stress and worries and fears on myself, all because I am afraid to let go. Afraid to trust God with the things I care about. Why? Because letting go means that I surrender my control. (Not that I have control anyway. But I feel like I do.) It's putting God back into the drivers seat, if you will. To let go means to say, "Lord it's in your hands, and your will be done."

A perfect example of this is a story I am sure most, if not all, of you are familar with. It's Star Wars III The Revenge of the Sith. The movie starts with Annikan excelling in his studies. He is a great Jedi in training, and is, in some ways, even stronger then his mentor Obi-won-kinobi. (sp?)-I apologize to all you Star Wars fans, if I mispell something. Anyway, everything is going great for Annikan. He is becoming what he always wanted to be, he has the girl of his dreams, and now he looks forward to becoming a father. So he had it made, right? Well he did until he had a dream. A dream that leads him to believe his wife, Padma, will die giving birth to their child. This dream scares him. He's fearless on the battle field, so why does this dream scare him so badly? It's because he fears losing his love above all esle. So much so that he'd do anything to save her. So first he seeks counsel from Yoda, who tells him to let go of that wich his loves. He has to be willing to lose her, in order to save her.(Does that make sense?) Annikan isn't willing to do that. He fears what that could mean. His desire to be in control of the situation, his fear, and his stubborness get in the way of reason. If he can do anything, anything at all to save her, then he will. Thus Annikan begins his long, dark road to destruction. His fears and doubt cause him to loose faith in the Jedi counsel, and to put more trust in Emperor Palpatine (Darth Sidius). Who, it might be worth adding, is telling Annikan what he wants to hear. He's telling him there is a way he can save Padma, and he doesn't have to let go to do it. What happens then, is what I call "self-fulfilling prophecy." Annikan gives into evil, thinking it is the only way to save Padma. What is the outcome? Not only does he lose Padma, in the exact way that he had first feared, but he loses everything else. The companionship of Obi-won, the faith of the counsel, and even his own body. Now he has to live in the body of Darth Vador, his life support system. The most heart-breaking part of the whole story is he has to live knowing he lost everything he holds dear, all because he was unwilling to let go. If he hadn't have been so insecure, Padma wouldn't have died. He caused her death, and forfeited the right to raise his children, by demanding that he stay in control.

The nurse told Obi-won at the end of the movie. "I can't explain what's happening. Physically she is perfectly healthy.....but we are losing her. She seems to have lost the will to live." (Again I am sorry to all you fans if I have mis quoted.) Annikan caused her death. Self-fulfilling prophecy. She wouldn't have died, if Annikan hadn't done what he had done. That's why she died giving birth to her children. My point? This story is a perfect picture of what happens when we don't let go. We get nothing but pain, suffering, and hurt. Why? Because if we want something so bad, then it has taken the place of God. God is a jealous God, and he won't stand for something taking his place. He had to teach the Israelites this lesson over and over and over again.

I can testify to this as well. It has also happened in my life. I have lost someone because I was unwilling to trust God with him. I was unwilling to be open to the idea that I didn't know best. As a result I had to learn to let go the hard way......but it doesn't have to be that way. Martin Luther said:

"Those things I kept in my hands....those I lost. But that which I placed in God's hands. That I still have."

Also the Bible says that if you delight yourselves in the Lord, then he will give you the desires or your heart. He's just asking for a little trust. Give whatever it is to God. You'll be thankful you did, cause with God all things are possible.

By His Grace Alone.
Leah

Moving On

2005-09-03T12:58:00.000-07:00

"Don't let the People, Problems, and Pain of your Past-Pause your Present, Punish you Person, Prison your Potential, and Paralyze your Progress."
-Delatorro L. McNeal

This really grabbed me when I read it. How many of us let our past dictate who we are? How many times do we let some past wrong cause us to doubt ourselves? How many times are we going let what others say determine our course of action? But most importantly, how long can we go on without forgiving those that hurt us, and ourselves? I don't know about you, but I am tired, really really tired, of having things hang over me. Things I did in the past. I have a hard time letting go. I have a hard time moving on. I think the key to getting past our pasts is forgiveness. We need to forgive those that have wronged us, and we need to forgive ourselves.
The Bible says not to let the sun go down on your wrath. It also says that if we don't forgive, then neither will he. When someone hurts you, forgive them. Trust that God is in control. "There is a time and a purpose for everything." God uses all things for the good of those that love him. Notice it's ALL things, not just some. You may not be able to see the good, and you might never see it, but God knows what he's doing. The trails we face now, are shaping us into who were are suppose to be in the future. Phil. 1:6 "being confident of this very thing. That he who has begun a good work in you, will complete it until the day of Christ Jesus." This is Christ's promise to us. He's the potter, but that doesn't mean it's always comfortable or pleasant when he begins the shaping.

Also we need to forgive ourselves. Things that we do, tend to make us feel guilty. We then doubt ourselves, and are reluctant to move. But if we have honestly repented of our sin, then we don't have to be weighed down by it anymore. The Bible says God is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. We are justified in Christ, meaning we can stand before the throne of God, just as if we never sinned. We are covered with Christ's blood. God doesn't see our sin anymore. Our sin is as far from Him as the east is from the west. So if Christ can forgive us all that, why can't we forgive ourselves? Yes we mess up, yes we could have done better. But why do we fall? So we learn to pick ourselves back up. It's a learning experience. We need to accept what we did, repent, and move on, resolving to do better next time. Sometimes the only way to learn is the hard way. Sometimes things are nothing but what they are, so you learn from it and are a little wiser next time. But the thing is, you can't value what you have learned or put it into practice until you get back up. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, get up! Christ has forgiven you! Trust that He knows what he's doing, and trust that He is teaching you something in this.
By His Grace Alone,
Leah